my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
