i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
