The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
