k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
