hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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