drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
