Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
