I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
