Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
