You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
