i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
