I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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