It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
