dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
