just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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