Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
