Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
