i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
