Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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