I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
