I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
