You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
