How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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