I've blown a few things in my day
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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