I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
