The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize