Got a toothbrush?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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