PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize