I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
