Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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