Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After tacos, we're chasing women.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
