Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize