Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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