Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
