I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
