Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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