I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
