Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
