I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
