I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
