He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Randomize
