You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We are two peas in an std pod
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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