You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
