Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
