Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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