Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
