wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
