Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
