The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
