They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
