He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
