I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
