So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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