I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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