Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
