you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
