sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
