i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im six kinds of drunk right now
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
