Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
