He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
