But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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