I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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