Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
