so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
