Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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