I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
