If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
