i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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