Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
