maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
