Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
